If you don't want me...

You are free to go.  I won't allow myself to want you.

I love Oprah Winfrey.

Aside from the fact that this might sound a bit bitter, it actually isn't.  Think deep down about what it really means.  Many of us, especially women, we tend to chase after people (men, friends, careers) that we think we really want, but really at the end of the day, all we really want is to be loved, respected, and appreciated.

So why do we chase after something that doesn't give us these things?  I think it's because we validate ourselves through the wrong things.  This is one of the things that I can truly say I have consciously been trying to change.  I mean, I'm guilty of it 100%.  Why did I stay with an abusive man?  Because somewhere deep down inside, I hoped he would get better, I wished the potential that I imagined would come through...but most of all...

I did not want to be the girl who wasn't worthy of being loved.

That girl who couldn't keep a man.  That girl who was worthy only of being alone.  Funny thing about fear, when you make decisions based on fear, they are never the right decisions.

Since then, men have come and gone, but the decisions around them have always been mine.  They may be the right decisions, they may be the wrong decisions, but they are MY decisions.

The one I am working on now, is this one.  I will not chase after that which doesn't want me back.  It's a tough one, but my goal for this period.  Whether it's a career, some unworthy friends, or yes, a man.

I'm feeling good about the journey.