Tomorrow is Court

And it's weird. Tomorrow is such a significant point in time, that it's really overwhelming. See:

• If he signs a consent, it means this is all over. It also means that if he consents to things willingly, there is SOME small sliver of a hope for some sort of a working relationship in the future. If he puts up a big fight and we go to trial, there will NEVER be hope for that. I mean, the writing is on the wall. A professional has told him he has "severe mental health issues". He has been told that his abusiveness is out in the open...abuse towards me and the children. And the assessor told his lawyer that he doesn't trust him alone with the children for long periods of time. If this goes to a full out trial, I WILL win, I know it, but it will just take more time, money, and hostility.
• Part of me hopes that if he signs a consent willingly and accepts that he needs help, and goes to therapy, maybe there is a small chance that he can turn his life around and be a good father. I know it's a long shot, but that is the best outcome for everyone. For him, for the children, and for me. (I mean, geez- at a minimum, maybe he would be able to hold down a job and start paying child support!) But more seriously, I believe that if he wasn't mentally ill, he might have been a good man. And he's been horrible to me and the kids, but I attribute that to his mental illness...I know it's a long shot, but I believe there is a God, and so I have to believe that there is some form of mercy out there too.

It's weird. Tomorrow marks either the POTENTIAL reduction in hostility, or it represents an increase in hostility. I am hoping for the former. But from now on, I plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Keep your fingers crossed boys and girls....