8 Days to Pre-Trial

Our last Pre-trial date is May 11th. If we can settle matters between us before then, we avoid a full out trial and probably about $20k each. I have been trying patiently to get my ex to see that it doesn't make sense to go to trial. He has NO CHANCE of winning. In fact, chances are he will end up with alot less than what I have offered him. But see, a good friend pointed out recently that half the issue is that whenever we come to some agreements, he raises totally new matters and we end up having to deal with those.

Today I met my ex for an hour. We wanted to see if we could come to some agreements. We managed to agree on some basic matters, but had a few showstoppers. Sigh. I told him to think about things. Really and truly, if he makes this diffilcult and we go to trial, I will NEVER try to work with him on anything ever again. If he works with me this time through, there just might be a sliver of hope that the working relationship won't be between us hellish forever.

Why do I keep hoping when history has taught me not to? Because I am human. Because without hope, the only other avenue turns into despair. And so, I would rather keep hoping.

It doesn't mean I won't be smart about things, but it does mean that I'm just trusting that there has been enough darkness and that" light" has to be around the corner. It just has to. Otherwise, why even bother?

I've been teetering between that hope/despair place for 3 weeks now on several matters. It's not a good seat to be in. Not at all. And lately, in my head, "hope" has been losing. I'm tired, worn out, financially broke, and emotionally fed up.

This is my last time giving "hope" a chance. I believe there is a God. And I believe he is fair. So somewhere up there, he must know that I have had enough. With everything. Enough with the ongoing tests of faith. Enough with the tough times. Enough with the brick walls. There has to be some balance. And so I throw in a prayer and give "hope" a last chance.

So here is to hoping. Let's see where this road takes me. I dread the thought of who and what I will become if I hit yet another brick wall.