Moving out at 18

My children spent this weekend with their father. As I was putting my son to bed tonight, he asked me if he can move out when he is 18. I find this concerning, given he is just shy of being 9 years old. I asked him what the benefit would be of moving out.

It turns out that his rationale for moving out is that he would have the choice around which parent to spend time with on any given day, around balancing time between his mom and dad, as well as the luxury of "my house, my rules". He can play video games all day and eat nesquik all day. The latter around "my house, my rules" I understand. I'm sure he hates my Nintendo DS rules which are 30 minutes max per day, not before 5pm or after 8pm, and only if your homework is done. The former reason around being with both parents, I find a bit concerning.

You see, it just shows how very aware he is of the constant struggle between his father and I. He said if he had his own house, we could come and see him when we wanted to, and he wouldn't have to go back and forth between two homes. Interestingly enough, when we went through the assessment earlier this year, the assessor had told me about this. He said that the disruption of two homes has a bigger impact on children than we will ever know. Adults can handle it because we walk around with our high level calendars in our heads. But children of divorced homes don't know if they are coming or going.

I just find all of this very sad.

I don't want my son to feel the loss with his dad. His father has been on better behavior lately (we know these periods are always short lived though). When their dad is behaving better, the kids wish to see him more. It's understandable. However, I'm not sure where the balance is. For now, I feel the need to protect the kids from their dad. I don't want him to hurt them again. On the other hand, I need to allow them to feel comfortable enough to know that their relationship is not being stifled, especially not by me. It's all such a delicate balance...

I had always hoped that the children would live with me until they finished University. A good friend recently told me that it is better that they get their space and move out when they start University at 19. Let them grow and mature and live in residence, he says.

It's all a lot to think about. For now, I'll take happiness in the fact that I have a good 10 years before having to face this discussion for real. In the meantime, today my answer to him was that of course he can move out. As long as he can afford to live on his own income. Then he asked if I would get him a job at my company. No joke. I said yes. He thought for a minute and then said "Well, let's see. Maybe I'll just live in your basement".

And there is yet another topic for discussion....the new generation of freeloading children :D