How do we get out of the Ratrace? Seriously? Do you ever feel like life has gotten so monotonous that you don't know when it will ease up? I'm going through that these days.
I keep thinking that things will get easier as the children get older. And then I remember what Mr. NYC says to me. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Well when does it get easier?
I get up at 5:30 am every day. I get showered and changed, I pack lunches, I dress the children, give them breakfast, and get them to school by 8:30. I get to work at 9:45 or 10am depending on traffic. I work hard, I leave at 4:45. I get to the daycare at 6:30. I get the kids home, give them dinner, do homework, put them to bed, and then I work on office stuff on my computer until midnight. And then I get up at 5:30 again.
I'm getting tired. I just want to sleep. I need to be left alone.
And then when I get a weekend without the kids I have a million chores to do.
I'm seriously going to take a weekend and turn off the blackberry and sit home and veg. No people, no conversations.
But back to my point, when does it end? What do we have to really look forward to? What is the next step?
Marriage? Well that comes with its own complications. And really, I don't know if I really want to base my future dreams around a man. I did that once. It didn't work. No more putting eggs in one basket.
So what is the next step in life? There is a big gap of time before the kids move out on their own. So I'm mommy for a long time. I'm also the provider, the cook, the cleaner.
What else am I? An employee. One who is undervalued at times.
What else am I? Where am I going? This is all really scary for me. I mean, what is the next goal in life as a single mom? Not finding a man is it? Not getting married, please don't tell me that....so what is the point of all this?
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