As the last few months (hopefully) of this case are just around the corner, I find myself losing the stamina to continue. Things have been so brutal lately and at their height in ugliness. I just don't know if I have it in me to keep this up. This isn't me. I'm not cut out for this hostility. I just want to be free and happy. In the process of getting free, I got stuck in this never ending hostility. It is totally wrong.
In a conversation yesterday, Mr. NYC gently told me that I need to be prepared to accept that my ex will never really leave me alone. This craziness that has been my life may not be containable. It made me kind of sad to hear it. And then part of me realized what he was doing. If I mentally accept it as my reality, it won't surprise me anymore. I think he's right, I just don't know if I'm mentally there yet.
Either way, Mr. NYC will be here for the weekend, and I am really looking forward to the visit. Little rays of sunshine through the clouds I guess.
I cannot tell you just how much I want this to be over. If I can live through the next few months, I can live through just about anything.
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