It's Been an Interesting Weekend So Far...

If you force yourself to spend time alone, you learn a lot about yourself. I know, I've been all alone (no people around me at all) for only 24 hrs so far. It's amazing how hard it is to live in your own head sometimes. I had to fight the urge to call up friends and go out. I find it amazing just how much I depend on others for support, entertainment, etc. I resisted the urge to call my friends, because I needed to figure out a few things. Life has just been so unsettling lately and I really needed the space to think. I did some thinking and I'm not at end goal, but I am slowly getting some clarity. Some of it is scary, some of it is learning about myself. I'm looking forward to tonight. If it doesn't rain, I am planning on taking a traditional paper and pen diary up to the lake and just writing about life.

One of the things I did do so far this weekend is watch Oprah shows on my PVR. I record them regularly but never get time to watch them. I find Oprah so incredibly inspiring. By being able to fast forward through commercials, I've actually been able to watch quite a few episodes while eating, folding laundry, etc. (Don't worry, I haven't spent the entire weekend in front of the tube). I found a few episodes particularly interesting. Two of them were about the strength of positive energy, that what we believe about ourselves dictates what comes back to us. To be honest, a friend at work said this to me a few weeks back as well. I think it is true- positive thinking breeds positive results, and negative thinking breeds negative results. The people on the show described it by saying that the "universe is listening" and that it will "give you back whatever you feed to it".

If I look back, although I have experienced a lot of negative events, things always got better. And, when I went through the worst hardships that I have been through, although I was stressed out, better things came my way, BECAUSE I SINCERELY BELIEVED THEY WOULD.

Lately, I have been strung out again:

• partially because the court case is winding down (and there have been unexpected kinks along the way)
• partly because of financial matters
• partly because of some personal matters
• partly because work has been busier as I have been short staffed
  

For some reason, lately I have just become very negative, and destructive. I mean, I've faced worse with a positive outlook but for some reason, this time, I haven't been positive at all. And to be honest, the more negative I've been, the worse things have been getting.

That being said, I am pretty confident that things will get better. I started off this weekend expecting it to be positive and to re-direct me again, and you know what? I think it is doing just that. (Hey- maybe I was MEANT to see those two episodes of Oprah! I LOVE YOU OPRAH!)

Three cheers for positive thinking!