I saw Dr. Clive today. I actually went to treat a burn on my hand (don't ask, it's a stupid cooking burn). Dr. Clive is my inspiration and has kept me going in so many ways. Recall that Dr. Clive is my MD since I was about 3 years old. Whenever I see him, I feel content. He knows me, understands me, and believes in me. Most of all, whenever I see him, he tells me how lucky the children are to have me as a mother. That is absolutely touching. I spend so much time trying to protect my children that sometimes I forget that I am indeed a good mother. Thank God for him.
He has watched the drama of my life unfold, since I was 3 years old. Today, he told me that he wrote a letter to the assessor. Because my ex had to consent to releasing information, he was able to document details. Like my black eye when I was 8 months pregnant. Like my ex's mental illness. Like the abuse on the children. Thank God. It is all coming out.
I can almost feel the emotional freedom. I have physical freedom- no more bruises, no more black eyes. The nightmares have stopped and I fully trust the alarm system in my home. I don't even fear that my ex is stalking me anymore. I haven't found him outside my home or office. I feel semi-normal.
The only piece left is the emotional freedom. Freedom that I've told my story. Freedom that I've done my best. Freedom that he can't come after me ever again.
Either way- whether I win the case or lose it (the next court date is in July, the assessment will be complete in June), I will win something. I will be fully able to move on. My story will be told. the truth has been coming out piece by piece through the assessment. The assessment was meant to happen. I'm glad it's happening.
As emotional as it is, as draining as it is, this will all be for the best. I just know it.
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