First Visit with Dad

The children saw their dad today for the first time in over 8 weeks. They have had telephone conversations in between in which their father has promised not to hurt them again. I know they miss him, and I know they want to believe in him. They keep saying "maybe this time he means it. Maybe he won't do bad things anymore". I don't say much when they say that. I can't blame them for being hopeful. I mean, I was hopeful for 11 years. I just learned from experience. Am I hopeful this time through? Not really. Especially not where the children are concerned. Let's just say that I've learned from my mistakes and experiences. This man cannot and will not change. The anger is part of him. It's in his blood. It's who he is.

Anyhow, all that being said, I did see the humiliation on his face to have to be at a supervision place to see his children. I also saw the anger towards me when I dropped off the children. It was in his eyes. Like I am somehow to blame for the mess that he has created. I guess that is the thing with abusive men....they can never own their issues, they always have to pin everything on someone else. I guess that is also why they never change. And so the cycle continues.

They will see their dad again tomorrow. Apparently, they had a nice visit today. I'm glad for them. I explained to them beforehand that they would be fully protected. I know they went in feeling confident. Just to confirm, my daughter did ask me one last time before leaving the house "what happens if he yells at us or tries to hurt us?" I explained that someone would be there to take care of them, and if he started to get angry they would call me to come and get them. She seemed to feel better.

After the visit, the children told me the setup was much like a focus group. Each family had a little room to play in. They had a glass window behind which sat a case worker who was listening to everything and taking notes. The children seemed ok with this. They have another visit tomorrow. I'm sure all the visits will go well. I mean, he knows he is under the microscope, so I fully expect him to be on his best behaviour. Let's watch over the next few weeks and see how things go.