Soccer Mom, Lawyer's Letter

So, this was my first week on my own with the children, without my ex's help in the weekdays. It's very tiring, not to mention the late working nights to catch up. My kids had soccer Monday night and Wednesday night (tonight). I had to leave the office at 4pm both days. Getting in at 9:30 is not good for the schedule either...So I have to work late at night to make up for the short day. After all, my work still has to get done. The lack of sleep resulting from the late nights is bad for me too. So I think I'm creating a bad cycle. I'll have to figure this one out.

So- here is my week so far. Monday- My mom had her angiogram. All went well. No blockages. I cannot describe how incredibly relieved I was to hear the news. My mom being the superwoman she is, thought she would be able to go back to work the next day. We had to force her to take the week off work. Actually, I had to call her office and advise them that she won't be coming in. She was furious, but at least we are forcing her to rest after the test. I am starting to realize that I am a lot like my mom. Now that is scary.

Monday night, I had to take my son to soccer. Since I've told my ex that he can't have the children on weeknights anymore, I had to take him myself. The weird thing is that my ex is the soccer coach, so he was there when I got there. I saw all the parents looking at me when I got there. It was my first time attending a game. I can only imagine what he's said about me to those people. They must think I'm a witch or something. Then again...Who cares? I'll never see them again in my life anyways.

There have been many times in the past where I have contemplated going to the children's games. I haven't gone because I didn't want to confuse the children by having both their parents present together, or by having us present but apart so they would have to explain it to their friends. I just thought it was easier for them if I stepped out. It was hard to do, but I did it for them. Now that I won't let him have the kids on weekdays, and since he is the coach, I've put myself in the very situation I've been trying to avoid for the past year. **Sigh. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Today is Wednesday. Wednesday is my daughter's soccer night. I took my children to the field, only to see my ex there. He is not her soccer coach, so this was a bit of a surprise. I asked what he was doing there and he muttered something about being entitled to watch his children play soccer and that I had no right to tell him otherwise. I stepped down and decided not to argue the point, because I think he may be right. I'm not sure what the legal answer is to that, and besides, I'm not trying to be spiteful here, just trying to protect the children. As long as I'm there, they are protected, so I decided to be fair about everything and not to argue with him. I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't bother me to see him there. It did. But I think that's why he was there. Either way, I am glad that I got to see my daughter play soccer. She's pretty good, in fact, she plays even better than my son. I was very impressed to see her running and kicking her little heart out. That's my baby! You go girl!

Anyhow, after the game I was talking to one of the moms from my daughter's school. She is also a single mom and her ex lives in Jamaica. For some bizarre reason she kept going on and on about how lucky I am that my ex lives in the country and is an involved father and is around to provide positive role modeling to my children. Positive role modeling my foot. She has no clue what I've been through with this man. And my ex, who was within earshot had a huge smirk on his face. Great...Just what I needed. Fuel his flames some more. Thanks chick. I needed that like I need a hole in the head. Anyhow, I'm sure I'll have to deal with that backlash at some point or another.

I'm hanging in as best as I can, but I have to be honest. I do not see an end to all this crap. Some days things just feel so totally hopeless, I wonder why I bother wasting my energy when I never seem to win or get anywhere.

Here is the kicker...The best part. On our way home, I checked the mail. In the mail, I found a priority post letter from my ex's lawyer. It turns out he wants 50/50 access to the children. Here are a few key points from the letter:

• Apparently, I am treating this like a dictatorship. Since we have joint custody, I cannot make unilateral decisions about the children's schooling, and which school they attend. My ex wants them in an Islamic School, I want them in Public School. The way I see it, he doesn't PAY for any of it so why should he have a say? I am paying for all the day care and after school support so really, it should be my decision. I'm not particularly concerned about this one. There isn't a court in the country that can force me to send my children to Islamic school instead of Public School. I'm sure to win this one. And not to be mean, but given the current political environment and the negative publicity Muslims have been receiving, I'm sure to win this anyways. Sorry Muslim friends...but you know I'm right...
  
• He now wants 50/50 time with the children. Meaning 2-3 weekdays plus every other weekend.
  
• He wants to be able to enrol them in more extra-curricular activities. I previously agreed to one activity per week per child. I mean, he's not employed so where does he expect to pay for all this from? Apparently, I'm being unreasonable.
• I have until Aug 25 to reply or else he's taking me to court.

OK- WHAT THE HELL? I mean honestly! Here is what's making me angry:

• He doesn't have the money to pay child support for those children, but somehow he's managed to retain a lawyer! Not a legal aid lawyer but a REAL lawyer! How is that possible?
• He doesn't have the money for child support but he has the money for extra curricular activities
  
• With me carrying all the expenses for the children, I cannot afford a lawyer, so I'm basically screwed. I'll have to represent myself in court. Since I own a house and have a decent job, I am not eligible for legal aid
  
• I might have to drag the children to testify or get a children's lawyer...I can't afford a children's lawyer nor do I want to put the children through that
• I am not mentally in the space to go to court YET AGAIN

OK- so I spoke to a dear friend tonight and he recommended that I calm down and start doing legwork. He gently told me that it's time to bring out the big guns in court. To talk about the abuse and detail his recent behavior with the children. I really didn't want to do this, but I think he's right.

I really do not want to go to the office tomorrow. I am feeling overwhelmed and am in no mood to deal with work. I would much rather curl in a ball and hide away from the world.

I also feel like I'm losing my faith. Muslims believe that after hardship always comes ease....WHERE is the ease???? When is it coming? I've been a decent person all my life...when will this get easier? Sigh. I think I'll stop holding my breath on this one.