No Babies Please

I have a friend that was asking how I feel about children...I mean about having more. I have no way to put this delicately, so I'll just be out with it. I have NO desire to ever have more children. My friend was mortified at how quickly I responded. I'm a bit lost.

I mean, I have two children, and one of each- boy and girl. What more could I possibly want? Why on earth would I want another child? Because I'm a sucker for pain and would love the thought of going through yet another agonizing 9 month pregnancy, or because I just can't get enough of the childbirth joy and am such a sucker for pain that I would just love to experience that again? I mean, seriously, why would I want more children?

Yes, and the fact that I have my hands full with the two I already have is just another small minor detail I suppose.

I was holding a baby at a baby shower recently, and the girl next to me said "wow, looks good on you. You are so good with children. Doesn't holding this little newborn just give you the urge to have another?"

Honestly, no! I'd much rather jump off the CN Tower than have yet another child. And we haven't even gotten to the lovely topic of what bearing a child actually does to your figure, your energy, etc. I'm just talking the basics of pregnancy and childbirth at this point. That, and actually raising children.

My friend was mortified when I told her I had no desire to have any more children, no maternal instincts left at this point. Forgive me for being blunt, but I already have two children, and while they are a total source of joy, I really don't wish to have any more. Not at all. Not ever. No thanks.

See, as much as I do get a great deal of joy from raising these little ones, they are also a huge responsibility. I want to provide them with everything I can, and that includes my time and attention. Quality is much more important than the quantity of children.

I got some lame lecture about how un-maternal I am, and how that's not a "normal state" for a woman...That most women are maternal for life and melt at the sight of a newborn. OH PLEASE. Give me a break. Now I'm broken or something? What- is being a single mom working like a dog every day just to get by a "normal state" for a woman? Not quite....So nobody has the right to judge.

Anyhow...I'm not even sure why there is so much focus around children. Now that I'm divorced, I get two major questions ALL the time- 'do you want to remarry'? And 'do you want more kids'?

I absolutely don't want more children (unless perhaps if they belong to another party- ie- someone else who is divorced and has his own from a previous marriage). And about marriage, well...Forgive me, but I am a little jarred at the moment, so I don't know if I'll ever trust anyone enough to marry them again.

So here's the deal...No more questions for me, ok? I mean, I don't even know if I'll ever be able to trust another man again, let alone marry, let alone ever contemplate more children.

I sometimes feel like the Indo-Pak girl in her late 20's who is constantly pressured to get married or her life is a waste. I did that guys...its didn't work. Now leave me alone. I'm divorced now, and just trying to get the pieces of my life back together. Let's just see if I'm capable of ever trusting the human race again before I get asked all these stupid long drawn out questions.

So, one step at a time. And right now, I'm taking baby steps trying to get my life back on track. No pun intended.