The Cultural Weekend

I got more exposure to Pak culture this weekend than I think I've had in a year. I have to say, the friends I was with were nice, but the rest of the stuff....Not sure. I went to a show at Canada's Wonderland on Sunday (which had good parts and boring parts), and then to a Pakistani gala event on Monday. I think I'm jarred for life, because no matter how hard I try, I just don't feel it with the community.

The friend that I was with pointed out that it would be good to forgive and move on. If people wrong you, it's better to forgive...While it's nice for him to say, and I do admire his perspective, I'm not sure I can change it. I know we should all own our actions and the consequences that result from them, but somehow I feel like this community has had a large part to play in the negative events of my life. Here are a few reasons why:

• When I was dating my ex, the fact that the Pakistani community found out was a very big deal. Dating was not allowed in a culture of arranged marriage so I was shunned badly for my actions
• My decision to marry my then boyfriend resulted in a major blow reputation wise to myself. I was the most likely to have an arranged marriage, and for me to go against this tradition was a big deal
• 600 people attended my wedding, a wedding that my parents supported, albeit hesitantly. They all came and acted like they were happy for me, but the rumor mill and the things that came back to me convinced me that these people were not my friends, that the entire thing was just for show...And made me a bit upset because it was one master game....Everything was about appearances and image
• When I was on my honeymoon, I got my first black eye. I wanted to file for divorce, wanted to be able to walk away, but after facing what I faced to fight for the wedding, the community would eat me up alive, and my family too. I had a brother and sister who still wanted to marry in this community, and so, I (wrongly) felt that my only option was to stay in the marriage for my family's sake...For their reputation, for their name.
• When my brother was married and my sister was getting married, I reached a point where I could no longer tolerate the marriage. True, my timing for ending things was wrong (weeks before my sister's wedding), but I was finally free
• I can not explain the amount of garbage I had to deal with for going through the divorce. I was told that a good woman never walks out. A good mother sacrifices for her children. Clearly, they don't see me as either of those. What can I say? I always thought I was a good person...
• I went to this gala event after 2 years of staying out of the community. I knew a few people in the room, the same people who had a great deal to say about me in the past. I chose not to get up and greet anyone. I chose to stay with my friend and not move. I'm not sure if it was a good choice or not, but being in that environment again after so long was just too odd for me. It weirded me out. Funny enough, the person I was with is a very proud Pakistani man, and I did admire his enthusiasm. I think it was his enthusiasm that convinced me to go, and to stay when I was there. Despite everything else, I enjoyed the company.

Don't get me wrong....I don't mind the culture. Given, I may not be the biggest Indo/Pak movie/music fan, but I actually don't mind it....It's just not always my thing. I love the clothes, the food, and the country itself is fun. I guess maybe it's the community that I take issue with.

As I'm typing I'm realizing something....I'm doing to the community what the world does to Muslims...Letting a small handful of people ruin it for the entire lot, and judging the whole for the actions of a few bad apples...hmmm...Maybe that's food for thought. In the meantime, I'll continue to hide out in my little world, that is, until the next time a friend asks me to join them for an event that's important to them :)

It's not quite as good as forgiveness, but I guess it's a start. :)