Grade 8 Graduation

My son graduated from grade 8.  I promised him I would not cry.  (I think he feels it would be embarrassing for the supposedly cool mom to be the one crying.  Still, I'm glad he requested it or I would have been bawling). 

I was the first one to arrive at the venue.  Two hours early.  They were still setting up.  A teacher asked if I wanted to come back later.  No.  I will wait.  I want the best seat in the house.  My baby is graduating.  I'm a single mom.  And truly a single mom, because dad is a deadbeat.  This might as well be my graduation.   I think they let me stay out of pity.  Or something.  Either way, I had the best seat in the house. 

It was a lovely night.  He looked so handsome in his suit.  And as he walked across the stage,  I felt a personal sense of accomplishment.  I mean, he was 4 when I first got divorced.  Imagine how long a journey it's been.  He was still at the phase of potty accidents and night diapers.  And there he was.  This handsome young man in a suit, almost as tall as I am. 

Ok I cried a bit.  But I didn't let him see.

After the student dinner I went to pick him up.  The principal came by and told me that I have an awesome kid.  I told her I knew that.  And that I'm lucky. 

And  then she said "Give yourself some credit.  He turned out like that because he has you for a mother". 

And then the tears started.  I think my son was a bit mortified.  Crying in front of the principal AFTER the ceremony has to be worse that crying during it.   But he didn't say a word.  He just squeezed my hand and smiled. 

In about 5 years, as he completes high school, he will have a bigger graduation.  That one will be more emotional.  But until then, the next 5 years, the impressionable  high school years will require a lot of patience, work, and love.

I'm ready for the journey.  

Happy Freedom Anniversary

It was nine years ago today that I left my now ex husband.  I would love to be able to say that it was nine years ago that I made the decision to leave him, but I know full well the decision was made a few months prior, and the date of my leaving was more the result of an impulse, a last straw so to speak, than an actual decision.  It was me reaching my breaking point, realizing my son had almost been chocked to death, followed by a frenzy of stuffing hanger-clad clothing articles into suitcases, dumping drawers of toiletries into shopping bags and just taking off. 

And so the journey began.  And what a long road it's been.   And nine years later, I can honestly say that I understand why the journey was such a long one.  God is the master planner, and he had a list of things for me to learn.  And I'm still learning. And so the journey continues.  

It's rather fitting that today I had lunch with two girlfriends that were strong support systems for me.  And as I drove to lunch, I passed the hospital where I had been admitted just months prior to my leaving him.  The same hospital where I made the initial decision to leave. All this after being given a clean bill of health  after an MS scare.  And a conversation with a doctor who wanted to know what had me so stressed out that my body would shut down and go into paralysis mode.  

A long journey indeed.  

I was talking to a girlfriend the other day, and mentioned that June 9th was coming up.  I did not realize that my daughter was in the next room listening.  Small ears, but they hear and understand everything.  

Today, she came to me, gave me a big hug and said "Happy Freedom Anniversary Mom".  I was stunned, and ashamed.  I apologized to her.  She should never have heard my conversation.  Her reply- "Mom.  You saved all of us when you left him.  That's our freedom day too.  We love him, but he's hard to love, and I'm so glad you left him.  You saved us.  You're my hero".  

I was stunned. I wasn't sure if I should thank her or continue apologizing.  So I thanked her. 

She continued to tell me that because of me, she knows what not to tolerate in life.  No bullies, no threats, no pushy men.  She said there are a lot of good men out there.  Please mom, when the time is right, find a good one and be happy.  

I had tears in my eyes.  I love her.  And she's learned a few things.  And I realized that for my children, I broke that cycle of violence.  It existed in my ex's family for generations. And I stopped it for them.  

But that is just the start.  The journey continues, but today, I pause to be grateful for the journey, the support, and the learnings along the way.  

Happy Freedom Anniversary.