Back to School

The kids are now back in school.  I'm grateful for the structure again, and on the other hand, it means a harder juggle for work-life balance, as it brings homework into the mix, which makes weeknights extra taxing.  But such is life.

On another note, I had a week off work during the last week of August.  The children enjoyed the time off, and I think I really needed the headspace as well.  Work has been really fast paced, and with the introduction of travel and multiple work locations, it feels a bit chaotic.  But then again, project work tends to be that way.

So aside from a few day trips with the kids during our week off, we spent a lot of time at home.  I had one more thing to deal with- the CAS calling again- it seems the deadbeat dad somehow woke up from 9 months of sleep and decided he somehow wants to be a father again.  Must be nice.  He currently does not pay child support, and is working under an alias name (Shouldn't that be illegal?  Can't he be charged for that?  Trust me when I say, I am looking into that avenue).

How is it that the useless deadbeats somehow continue to find new and improved ways to outdo themselves?  It's truly remarkable.

So anyhow, back to my story- he has now decided he wants to see the children again.  It must be nice to have the ability to drop off the face of the earth for 9 months, tell the CAS you want nothing to do with the children, and then somehow wake up like a total complete piece of shit and decide "Oh wow, I have kids, maybe I should see them again".

And then there is karma.  Karma's a bitch.

You see, the CAS has to facilitate a supervised meeting if the children want to see their dad, and if the dad wants to see the children.  I, as the supportive mother that I am, have always encouraged the children to have a relationship with their dad and meet him.  He is, after all, their father.   My differences with him should have nothing to do with their relationship with their dad, as long as that relationship is in a physically and emotionally safe environment (like a CAS supervision center for the time being).   I would never want my children to be in a situation where they do not feel empowered.  And so, they are 100% empowered to make decisions with the CAS around when (or if) they see their father.  They even speak to the CAS privately (I leave the room)- so they can speak freely.

So last week, while I was supposed to be relaxing on vacation, I had 2 CAS visits.  They wanted to see if the children would meet their dad.  My children said "Yes, but not now.  Let's try in a month".  The worker was puzzled.  Why in a month?  Why not now?

My son's response:  "Things are finally good.  I'm happy.  Life is calm and normal.  If I see my dad once, he will want to talk on the phone, and see us regularly, and that's just too stressful right now.  So maybe in the end of September once I have had a chance to focus on school and think about things".

So the worker asked him- what will be different in the end of Sept?  What if you still don't feel ready?

His response (and this is the kicker)- "I might not be ready, and I might want more time.  I will know more when we get there, but yes, you are right, I might change my mind again.  My dad can be really scary at times, and I just don't need that right now".

And that Sir Deadbeat, is what happens when you mess around with a child's emotions.  Sooner or later, they hold you accountable for the games you play, and for all the bullshit you bring into their lives.

You might be able to hurt us financially, but that is just money.  We will buy a few less things and God and his universe will keep us going.  But you can no longer hurt us emotionally.  The children are growing up, and they can stand up for themselves.  Stand up both emotionally, and physically.  I've mentioned this before, but my son is a black belt for a reason.  There will come a day when their dad lashes out physically and when that day comes, my kids will be able to protect themselves.  And emotionally- well, as you can see, they have learned to think for themselves, to defend themselves and to be assertive.  And that assertiveness is coming out now.  They finally have a voice, and all the liberties to have a relationship with both parents on their own terms.  For the time being, they have spoken.  The children will decide when to see their dad.  And for now, that will be the end of September, if they are ready.  And if not, they are confident enough to speak out and establish a relationship on their own terms.

I'm glad they are confident, and that they are able to make their own decisions.  I'm glad they feel empowered, and I'm glad they are thinking out their choices, and able to be objective.  All I want is to raise happy confident children.  It looks like they are doing OK.  I thank God for that every day.