It's Been a Long Road...

And again, I haven't blogged in awhile.  What I know for sure is that whatever doesn't kill you, will make you stronger.

And I am still alive.

So- I've been focused on this court fiasco.  I cannot believe that he has the audacity to ask for joint custody after this long drawn out battle that just ended two years ago.

And then again....why should I be surprised?

So far, I have drafted my own court documents.  The way I see it, I'm smart enough, and I've spent enough money.  And mostly, I believe there is a God.  No matter what faults I have, no matter what mistakes I've made in life, he has been here, supporting me, and almost cheering me on.  Or at least that's how it feels.

That God cannot let a good mother lose.  I just feel like there is something bigger, something more important that is meant to come from all this, and so I will go through the motions and see where the road takes me.

At the end of the day, I seriously doubt that any court will give 50/50 access and joint custody to a man who has abused the children many times.

The only drawback- he has requested for a children's lawyer.  While this can only work in my favour, I still feel that it is an unnecessary thing to subject the children to.  But I don't think I will have a choice in the matter.

And he has been coaching the children.  He told my daughter to ask for one week on, one week off - basically one week with me, one week with him.  When she told him no, he told her that she will either do it, or he can make a new child with his new wife and replace her.  Yes, you read correctly.  My daughter came home crying and had nightmares for two weeks.  What a total complete jerk.

I told my daughter that she cannot let him bully her.  At the end of the day, once the children's lawyer finds out this happened (and I fully intend to tell them), this will only work against him.

I wonder what the purpose is of this round of court.  Surely there is a purpose.  I just don't know what it is.  Time will tell.

I ran into a girlfriend the other day- she was shocked at my inability to focus, and the fact that I couldn't relax.  Can you blame me?

But pre-occupied or not, I am doing my best to stay positive.  And I just know that despite how stressful this is, and the fact that I feel so incredibly alone right now...I just know in my heart that in time, everything will be ok.

This too will pass.