Baby Wipes

Conversations like the one I had with my son this morning remind me of how messed up things can sometimes be.

I was driving my son to school, and as I turned the corner, I watched my son rustle through his backpack.  And then a little blue package caught my eye.  I asked him what it was and he tried to brush me off.  I asked if I could see it and he pulled out a little mini packet of baby wipes.  Weird.  I asked where he got it and he said he found it in a diaper bag at his dad's house.  So my next questions were what is your dad doing with a diaper bag, and why do you have an empty packet of baby wipes in your backpack?

His answer?  Get out the tissue box my friends....

He found it in our old diaper bag that was amongst some of his dad's old things.  He kept the old baby wipe packet in his backpack, because it reminded him of the times when his dad and I were together.  It made him think about times where all of us must have gone out together as a family, and done happy things together.  A time when he had a real family.  He said they must have been really happy times.

And in the hope of keeping and old and distant memory, my son keeps an empty packet of diaper wipes tucked secretly away in a hidden compartment of his backpack.

How sad is that?  And just imagine- I thought the kids were OK, and that they were doing well.  When really, it sounds more like they need serious therapy.

Sighhhh.  How do you know when you are doing enough as a single mom?  And how do you bridge the sadness for these children?  

My heart feels so heavy today...now I feel like I'm the one who needs the therapy.