Getting back to the topic of my ex's idiotic tendencies, I had another issue with him a few weeks back. This one really ticked me off, to the point that I couldn't function for days. It was another one of those 'do I call the cops, or do I deal with matters on my own' situations. Yet another one. It never ends. On this note, one of the questions I still haven't been able to answer for myself is why have I not been able to contact the authorities thus far? What is my issue? I tell myself that it is because I don't want the children exposed to it, that I don't want their father to be charged, that overall it will only hurt them. While this is true, I think I have to be honest with myself and admit that there is much more to it. For whatever reason, I cannot do it. I wasn't even able to do it before the kids were in the picture, so it has as much to do with ME, with MY issues than with anything else. This is something I have to deal with somehow.
Anyhow, getting back to what happened, a few weeks ago, I was having dinner with my children. My daughter was talking about her play date with a girlfriend while she was at her father's house. It occurred to me that while she was there, my son must have been going to a play date with his friend also. So I asked him what he does when his sister is with her friend. The response is silence, as my child looks down and starts to eat faster. Anyone with children knows that this is a sure sign that something is wrong. So I ask the question again, to which I again get the same response. So I ask what they are hiding from me.
My daughter responds "we are not allowed to tell you". Not allowed to tell me what? So I explain that lying and and keeping something from your mother is a very bad thing. A mother's job is to protect her children. But I cannot protect what I do not know.
So my daughter tells me that "he stays home". As in with your father? "No. As in on his own". As in while he drops you off? "No- as in while he goes out with his friends".
So let me get this straight? Psycho man leaves my 9 year old boy home alone, unattended, while he goes out for coffee with his buddies? Seriously?!! I was infuriated. To top it off, the kids tell me I'm not allowed to tell their dad. Their dad will get mad. So I'm stuck. Protect the kids, or lose their confidence and risk them getting in trouble by their dad? I choose to protect my kids. So I tell them that I have to speak to their dad. I tell them that it is a criminal offense to leave a child home alone. I tell them that when they allow their dad to do it, they are breaking the law as well. I guess this freaked the kids out a bit (I know, it's harsh. But what else can I do? I can't control him, so I have to make the kids understand)...it's for their own good...
I spoke to a friend and told him that I was really ticked. I told him that I needed to have a chit chat with my ex. His advice was that I wait out the weekend and cool off. That if I lose my temper, it will just result in more hostility. So I wait out the weekend.
The following Monday, I call my ex. I wait until I am calm. I ask him if we can talk about the children. He says yes. Then I proceed to tell him that I have come to understand that on a few occasions, he has left our son home alone, unattended. Silence. So I proceed to say that I'm a little confused at why he would do this, after all, he only sees the children for 6 days a month, and if he has childcare issues, perhaps he can leave them with me. That I am only concerned about the children's safety and well being.
And then he blows up at me. He starts calling me a self righteous bitch and starts with all sorts of profanities. On and on. I wait for him to settle down but he doesn't. Then, after a couple of minutes of his non-stop cursing, I step in. I tell him that I have had enough. That he should be thankful that I even called him. All I have to do is call the police or the CAS. After all, what the hell do I care? I'm the custodial parent. I have nothing to lose. He continues swearing and I yell back. It turns into an all out yelling/swearing match. I end the call with "you know what? I'm sorry I called you. I should have called the authorities. I should have known not to give you the benefit of the doubt. Go to hell". And then I hang up.
Two minutes later, I get a text message asking me to calm down, so we can talk again the next day. The next day, I decide no more talking. So I email him. I basically put it in writing that I need a written commitment that he will not leave the children home alone again. And if I find out, I will immediately contact the authorities, without calling him. The response to my email comes via text message. It says "confirmed". That's a typical cover-your-ass response. I follow up with a phone call, again making it clear that I will not tolerate this again. He confirms that it won't happen again.
I leave it at that. I save the text message with the email. He might have used a different medium, but it's still evidence.
This was all a few weeks ago. Since then, I have checked in with the kids many times. They have stated that they have not been left alone since then. I believe them for now.
But rest assured, if I find out he is doing this again, I'm seriously going to lose it next time. No more mercy. (Ok, now THAT line was DEJA VU...)
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