Sending Elderly to a Nursing Home

My grandfather has been in the hospital for the past few weeks. Old age is catching up to him. He is 97 years old, and has lived a very full life. He is generally in good health. He has all his senses, he comprehends everything, and his bodily functions are all there. He was first taken to the hospital a few weeks back because of severe stomach cramps. Turns out, he has some kidney problems. His kidneys function fine, but he needs a catheter to get the urine out. He has blood clots in his body that put him at risk of a stroke. We have been told that he cannot go home, as it will increase his risks. We have been told to put him in a long term care facility. To the average person, this sounds like no big deal. For a Pakistani man, this is unheard of.

My dad is having a tough time coming to terms with this. Culturally speaking, Pakistanis follow an extended family care system. Mothers stay home to raise children, or they depend on extended family to help if they need to work full time. Parents live with their children and are cared for by them when they get older. That is the deal. Sending parents to a home is a slap in the face. It is like saying "You are too much trouble for us to care for you". It means you aren't wanted anymore. It means you are a burden.

So when the hospital tells my dad that taking his father home is out of the question due to stroke risks, he is in a real predicament. How does he help the transition to a nursing home for a man who doesn't believe in nursing homes? All my life I heard my grandfather talk about the cultural differences between the east and the west. The one he always brought up was the west's inability to repay their parents for raising them, by caring for them in their old age. And I find it ironic that of all the people in the world to have to go to a home, it ends up being my grandfather, the one person who hated this concept more than anyone else in the world.

My dad told him what the doctors said. He does not seem happy. I told my dad he should have been smarter about it. Maybe he should have told my grandfather that he was going to a rehab center to get better. It's all in the positioning.

And then there is another issue. Because there has not been a large demand for nursing homes by the south Asian community, there are very few that have south Asian residents. So that means food that grandpa won't eat (pot roast? Are you kidding me? Where is the curry chicken?). It also means no halal meat, which is a deal breaker for him.

So my dad has to find a home that allows us to bring our own food on a daily basis. Not an easy task at all.

I suspect that as more people face the issue of aging parents who need extended care, we will have more options available to us. In the meantime, our family continues the search.

It's been a long time since my last post...

Life has been crazy busy.

• My back is a mess after the car accident...doctor says that there will be some residual damage that we can't fix. That was really depressing news.
• Ramadan started just over a week ago. The days are long, and so are the fasts. While I love the holy month, I find it a bit tougher this year.
  
• My grandfather is in the hospital...he's been there for weeks. Old age is catching up to him.
  
• Kids go back to school next week, so this week is a bit hairy.

I'll blog more regularly moving forward...