The Assessor's Recommendations

It went well. It went just about as well as I could have wanted. Thank God. I actually came home and fell asleep. I think the built up fatigue just kind of caught up to me yesterday. My lawyer said this was the first time she ever saw an assessment so much in favor of one side.

Here is a summary of his recommendations:

• Full custody for me- He basically said this should never have been joint custody to begin with. He said that when one partner was abused, you cannot force the parents to co-parent and make joint decisions. He said all decisions for the children should be made by me, and that I do not have to consult with my ex first. But I do have to give him an FYI.
• Visitation every other weekend for my ex- He gets to see the kids every other weekend, unsupervised (but there are stipulations, see below). He is not allowed to see them mid week as he disrupts their school routine. In addition, I have to do all homework with the kids, my ex does not b/c he is "not capable" of managing a stressful routine without losing his temper. In addition, he has to bring them home early at 2pm on Sundays so that I can do homework with the children (rather than bringing them home at 7pm)
  
• I am allowed to relocate to NYC- This was incredible. He said it was actually in the best interests of the children that I relocate so that the children can have a normal life. He said they have been exposed to a very distorted reality and so they deserve to see that people can have normal lives that do not involve abuse. If I move, I have to bring the children back about 6 times per year to see their dad, including a month long visit in July. The other months where there is no visit, he has to come to NYC to visit the kids if he wants to see them.
• My ex has to be under the care of a psychiatrist- The assessor said that my ex most definitely has mental health issues, and likely bipolar disorder. In order to be unsupervised around the children, my ex has to go to a psychiatrist on a weekly basis. I am to get confirmation that he is attending and following the recommendations of the psychiatrist (eg- medications). If he doesn't go to a psychiatrist, he has to find a supervisor for his visits.

There was some other really neat stuff said:

• He said that the children are doing well for the most part, and the only reason that they are not "unstable" is because they have me for a mother. (I cried when he said that). He said that my ex has to make peace with me and accept that I have been the main caregiver to the kids and done a good job raising them.
• He said that he has confirmed that my ex was an abusive husband, from multiple sources. "You were an abusive husband, and you are an abusive father"...
• He said Mr. NYC was a great role model for the kids and that the kids really love him. He feels he can provide them with stability
• He said that my ex was "controlling, angry, unstable"

So what are the next steps? That rests with my ex. He can either consent to the recommendations, or we take this to trial. The assessor urged him not to go to trial. He said "If you go to trial, you will not win this. You have a good lawyer but even the best lawyer in the country can't win this for you". Let's see what happens. Knowing my ex, I am fully expecting this to go to trial and waste more time and money. But my lawyer says it is rare for a judge to overturn an assessor's recommendations. We don't expect that to happen.

My friend was right. He always said "be patient, your day will come". This is my day.

I have to say, the sun feels like it is shining exceptionally bright today.