An Odd Telephone Call

It's been a nice weekend with the children. We've mostly been at home, which was good, because it gave the children the chance to just relax in their own environment. They have played in their rooms, watched TV, done homework, and it's been nice. I took them to a mosque event on Saturday night, and they enjoyed that. We went to my parent's place for Iftaar yesterday, and they enjoyed that too. Overall, it's been a family weekend.

Yesterday, my ex called for the kids. It was the first telephone call that he attempted since our court date on Tuesday. He spoke to the children for awhile and then asked my son to put the phone on speaker. They talked for awhile longer and he started talking about Eid plans. As background, the judge decided that on Eid (which will be Saturday thanks to the scientific committee), the children will be with their father until 2pm and with me after that. He is having difficulty finding a supervisor on the Eid weekend. He asked to speak to me. I picked up the handset so the children wouldn't hear. He basically wanted to break the weekend into 3 days with chunks of 4 hrs per day so he wouldn't have to arrange supervision. (Recall that the courts ordered that any visits shorter than 4 hrs would not require supervision). Since I have a henna party at my house Friday night (and would love to have my daughter here for it), I figured this would work well. That and the fact that he can never do their hair/dress them as well as I can. So the deal is he will have a visit for 4 hrs on Friday evening, return them to me, I will dress them for prayer Sat morning, he will take them from 9:30/10am to about 2pm and then he will see them again Sunday morning for 4 hrs. That works out well too because I have a sushi lunch with the girls on Sunday afternoon.

I think I prefer the 4hr chunks because I can keep checking on the kids to make sure they are OK, he doesn't get a long enough period with them to go nuts on them, and I get to have more time with them. It worked out for both of us. I feel more comfortable around the children's mental and physical well being, and he doesn't have to inconvenience his family.

Then came the next part. Give an inch of airspace and he takes a mile. He went on and on about how we should settle out of court. I'm guessing he's saying that because he realizes that the judge made one ruling in my favour so far, which means that this is not as cut and dry as he originally thought. I told him that unless he was willing to give me full custody and go on his medication, there was nothing that we could negotiate. He scoffed and told me that I would never get full custody. I told him that we had nothing further to discuss. He went on to say that pimps and drug dealers get joint custody and he is not as bad as them, so he won't lose his custodial rights. THAT made me angry.

I asked him how he could deny the abuse in the legal documents. How he could deny hitting me and the children. How could he do that and expect that I would negotiate anything with him moving forward. He acknowledged the abuse (man I need a tape recorder for the next time!), and that he was wrong with the children. I told him that unless he was willing to change his statement for the courts, I have nothing to discuss with him. He cannot lie before the courts and expect that I will respect him or work with him after that. You cannot silence the people that you hurt. He did this to me, and now he is doing this to the children. I told him that I had confidence in the legal system and in God and that these are his (God's) children and that I don't believe they will be hurt further.

My final answer- if you have something to discuss, get your lawyer to call my lawyer. I will not meet you, I will not negotiate with you, and I have no respect for you.

Oh ya, and if you ever touch my kids again, I will rip you to shreds. Take my word on that.

Then I hung up.

So much for Ramadan Spirit. He brings out the worst in me. I think it's my protective mechanism with the children. I would take a bullet for these kids. Let's just hope I never have to.