Feeling my Age

This would be the first time in a long time that I am feeling my age.  Like REALLY feeling it.

Yesterday, I went for a colonoscopy.  I don't have to get into why, I'm sure we all know what a colonoscopy is for - but needless to say, the fact that all these symptoms are coming up now, it's a bit unsettling.  Knees, digestion, etc.  What will it be next?  I all of a sudden am starting to feel really old.  When I was with the nurse getting prepped, she asked my age.  I told her I was 41.  She was surprised, and thought I was younger.  "You must have bad symptoms to be here before 50 without a family history".  Thanks lady.

Fortunately, it all went well, they found no major issues.  Just minor things that I can live with.

As I came home and let the anesthetic wear off, I all of a sudden realized that I am actually alone in this world.  Yes I have friends, yes I have family, and children.  But one day, maybe 20 or 30 years from now, when the kids are living on their own, I might be like this- lying in bed sick, and completely alone.

This isn't a conversation about marriage.  I know better than anyone that it is very possible to be married and still be alone.  I lived it for 11 years.  But this is a reflection on how life will be 20 years from now, when friends and family and children are busy in their own lives.  Who will be there when we need them?  And no, I am not talking about marriage.  Yes, often having a life partner helps in those situations, but that is truly luck of the draw.  I have had friends who went through cancer/chemo only to find husbands that had affairs during this time, rather than staying by their side.  The world is unpredictable.  And people are fickle.  Not all people, it's all luck of the draw.

We all hope that someone will be there for us.  That we are the ones that fare well in these situations.  But what if nobody is there?

Scary.

My thoughts went to my grandmother who is ill.  She lives with my uncle.  He spends day and night caring for her.  He schedules his work schedule around her.  He blends her food and feeds it to her by hand.  An honorable son indeed, but let's face it.  We can't expect that all of our children will turn out that way.  It's very unlikely, but luck of the draw says that some of them will.  Fingers crossed that those are our children, our friends, our family.

Time will tell, I suppose.  The best insurance policy- eat well, exercise, take those vitamins, and leave the rest to God.  Let's see where we land.

Bad Knees

I always wondered if my mom's knee issues would be passed down to one of us.  I just hoped I wouldn't draw the short straw.

Today I found out that I drew the short straw.

I can't entirely blame genetics (while they are a  factor)- the doctor sited age, weight (I'm not a little girl), and my lovely heels as the main culprits.  This means I will inevitably be a knee candidate a few years from now. How many years that will take depends on how good I am for the next few years.

So I have to eliminate the use of heels.  OK, maybe I will reduce them for now.  I'm not a huge fan of going cold turkey on much of anything, but I will take this seriously.

After I came home from my appointment, I was trying to figure out the impact in my closet (Yes I am a girl.  I had my crying fit first, this was after I calmed down a bit).  With over 100 pairs of shoes, I would estimate that 75% of them are heels.  That's like 75 pairs.  What a waste.

What do you do with 75 pairs of not so wearable high end shoes?  Ebay?

Heartbreaking.  No not the shoes.  I mean the knees too.

:(