Swimming Lesson #8

Today I learned how to do a breast stroke. It was exciting. I did 20 laps of the pool in one hour (I pause 2 mins between each lap to catch my breath. Clearly, working on cardio endurance is the next step).

Regardless, this is a total thrill. I've finally done something I've always wanted to do, and I did it all for myself. In 8 lessons, I've learned how to do a forward crawl, backwards crawl and a breast stroke. Not bad for 8 lessons. I'm pleased with my progress. My goal is to become strong enough to swim in the ocean one day. I know I will hit that goal.

On another note, I find things shifting in my life. I'm feeling more positive, like things will be great, like life is going to be just fine. It's a gift.

Even despite some recent hardships, I've managed to stay optimistic. I'm hoping this will continue. It's new for me. I'm so used to feeling like the past is indicative of what the future will hold. A negative past always meant a negative future. But now, I'm not so sure about that.

The other day, my daughter and I were chatting. She told me I was a great mother. She told me that when she was younger, she didn't understand why I left her father, and why she had to be part of a divorced home. Now, she says she realized that this decision was better for the family, that we have a better life, and that it was the best decision I could have made. She even thanked me for doing it. It was as if that one conversation finally set me free. Like I could forgive myself for giving the children a broken home. Like I could forgive myself for the hardships that resulted, and that it all is working out in the end.

Amazing isn't it? The children have saved me in so many ways. I left my ex because of what he did to my son. I would never have left over the things he did to me. That was my kids saving me from a life of hell.

And now, years later, those same children have the ability to set me free emotionally.

And they think I'm their hero? I think it's the other way around...

Swimming Lesson #5

Yesterday's lesson was fun. I learned how to bend my arms and do the front crawl while coming up for air. I also learned how to do a backstroke. The instructor says I'm a really fast learner. I feel so awesome that I'm doing this.

I wonder how long it will take to be confident that I can really swim. I don't mean swim in a pool. I mean confident in open water where you know you don't have the option of stopping or standing up when you get too tired.

I know. It's just lesson 5. A girl can dream can't she?

High School Orientation

My little baby is growing up.

He has his high school orientation tonight. When the letter came home, I say there and stared at it for a few minutes. I still don't think it's sunk in.

I'm writing this from the train. Taking the early train home for the big occasion.

I still can't get over it. This little boy was 4 years old when I left his father. And I've pretty much done this all by myself.

In my gratitude journal, I wrote about how grateful I am to have a little boy who is growing up but still loves me enough to shower me with hugs and kisses when he sees me.

And now this little boy will soon be a high schooler. It's unreal. Time really flies.

They are both great kids. I'm going to do something out of the ordinary. I'm giving myself a pat on the back. Despite challenging circumstances, I think they are turning out just fine.

Off to high school we go. The world of new adventures, newly found freedom, peer pressure, lifelong friendships, and lots of memories.

And I'm honored to be with him as we start a new journey.