Remember Mr. NYC? I think he's married. In fact, I'm pretty sure he is. I won't get into how I know, but I found out two weeks ago.
I haven't spoken to him in a really long time. And I'm not sure why I feel so weirded out by it, but I do. Maybe it's because I came SO close to marrying him. Maybe it's because I have wondered for the past couple of years if I made a mistake saying no to him. Maybe it's the finality of it. Maybe he was always a possible back up plan in my head (I know, that's totally horrible), but either way, it's how I feel.
Don't get me wrong. I am happy for him. He's a great guy and he deserves to be happy. I just feel weird. I'm sure in some way or another this totally closed chapter in my life will be better for me. But right now, I can't help wondering if I let the best thing ever leave my life. He treated me better than any guy ever did. Ever. He loved me sincerely. I just wasn't able to move for him. I couldn't do it to the kids, and he wouldn't move here. Circumstances I guess.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I haven't met other great guys. I have. Nor am I desperate in any way. I know I will settle down when I'm ready, IF I'm ever ready. (I often wonder if I will ever marry again. I don't know that I will trust anyone enough to open up to them. The few good guys I met over the past few years, friends and romantically, they have left me feeling like nobody will ever be the one I want/need in my life). And for that reason, I am by choice, still single, and unsure if I want to be married, ever.
But this one tiny part of me does wonder if I should have taken the leap with Mr. NYC. I came SO close...
Friday, January 03, 2014
Quiet Holiday season
I took two weeks off over the holidays. I tried to see if there were any last minute deals to get away, but I wasn't able to find anything. While I enjoyed the time off (I actually did get some rest)- there is always that something missing when you take 2 weeks off and don't go anywhere. Either way, I did relax a little, and for that I am really grateful. And hey- the money I was going to spend on the vacation will now be used to put wood flooring in my living room. Finally, the disgusting carpet will be gone.
The highlight of the vacation- my friend's husband took the kids out skating on New Year's Eve. At 10pm. At the pond next to his house. He took these floodlights out and lit up the pond for the children. They had a blast. I had an awesome time watching them. It was one of those totally carefree moments you wish your kids could have more of, especially mine who have had loads of stress, and candidly grown up a little too fast.
When the kids came in from skating, my son was blown away by my friend's husband. He's a police officer, and a fab role model. I emailed her the next day and thanked her for having us over. She told me that her husband grew up without a father, and that he wanted me to tell my son that he knows how it feels, and if he ever needs to talk to a guy, give him a call. My heart melted. Like really melted. It brought tears to my eyes. There are amazing people everywhere, and I am so thankful to those who have offered to be there for my kids in one capacity or another.
So- Today is the last weekday off. I wish I had another week. My kids actually slept in. My son who sleeps a few hours a night because of insomnia actually slept till 11am each day. I would love to give him another week of that. The kids rested, watched TV, met with friends. It was a good relaxing time for all of us.
Back to work on Monday. Sigh.
The highlight of the vacation- my friend's husband took the kids out skating on New Year's Eve. At 10pm. At the pond next to his house. He took these floodlights out and lit up the pond for the children. They had a blast. I had an awesome time watching them. It was one of those totally carefree moments you wish your kids could have more of, especially mine who have had loads of stress, and candidly grown up a little too fast.
When the kids came in from skating, my son was blown away by my friend's husband. He's a police officer, and a fab role model. I emailed her the next day and thanked her for having us over. She told me that her husband grew up without a father, and that he wanted me to tell my son that he knows how it feels, and if he ever needs to talk to a guy, give him a call. My heart melted. Like really melted. It brought tears to my eyes. There are amazing people everywhere, and I am so thankful to those who have offered to be there for my kids in one capacity or another.
So- Today is the last weekday off. I wish I had another week. My kids actually slept in. My son who sleeps a few hours a night because of insomnia actually slept till 11am each day. I would love to give him another week of that. The kids rested, watched TV, met with friends. It was a good relaxing time for all of us.
Back to work on Monday. Sigh.
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