The Kids are in Morocco

It is a very long story.

My ex is entitled to two weeks uninterrupted with the children every summer.  Although he requires my permission to travel, I should not be withholding permission without just cause according to our court order.  So the story went like this.

• My ex booked his two weeks of time with me a few weeks ago.  I consented.
• A week later, he told me he wanted to take the kids on vacation and that he was looking for a place to go.  I reluctantly consented.
• A week later, he tells me he would like to go to Morocco.  I freak (to myself) because I don't trust him, and I was not expecting an international travel.  Much less something to a not so developed part of the world.  (Or at least that is how I feel about Morocco).

And then I pause and think about it.  My knee jerk reaction is to say no way in hell.  But the kids are dying to go.  They tell me their dad is getting married (again)- this time to someone from Morocco.   I'm still not comfortable- not with the international travel, not with giving him the passports, not with all the possibilities of everything that can go wrong.  I don't like the idea of sending the kids there with their irresponsible father.  But then I pause to consider the facts.

• My ex is under the care of a psychiatrist, and he has letters to prove it.
• He is entitled to two weeks with the kids according to our court order
• He is entitled to get married, and the kids are entitled to attend their father's wedding.
• The kids really want to go, he really wants to take them.  I am the odd one left out feeling like this is a bad idea.  I can say no, but how will the courts feel about me refusing the kids to go to their father's wedding?
• I call the Canadian Embassy.  They say that Morocco is on good terms with Canada and not to worry.  I register the children's travel.
• I consent to the trip (reluctantly).

Don't get me wrong.  Every part of me is as nervous as hell.  I just didn't know what choices I had.  I'm trying not to think about it.  Sigh.  I've spoken to the children (they left on Friday)- they are having a blast.  So far so good.  But I will not stop holding my breath till they are back.

And how is it that mental freaks can get married for a third time, but good people like myself (yes I do believe I am a good person) can't find a decent relationship?  And please.  To that guy who told me it's because I'm not skinny enough, bugger off.  I don't have time for your BS and put downs.  And yes, I am still emotionally bothered by what he said to me.   You can't say crap like that to someone with a history of eating disorders without triggering some really bad stuff.  Yes they have been triggered.  No I'm not getting into it.  I'll deal with it and get back on track in time.

To the rest of the normal people out there....any thoughts?  Oh yes, and if you are going to tell me it's because I'm not skinny enough, please stop reading my blog.  I'm not in the mood for stupidity.

I guess I'm grumpy and edgy these days.  Sigh.

The Bad Goalie

My kids both play soccer.  A couple of weeks back, my daughter had a chance to be goalie in the second half of their game.  Her team was winning 2-0.  She got in the net, and I watched as my little baby tried to block the net, but let 3 goals in. Her team lost 3-2.  She was devastated.

I knew from the moment the game ended that this was not going to be pretty.  I thought she was going to cry.  And then I saw her run towards me, tears streaming down her face.  "Mommy- I made my team lose!"

I reassured her that it wasn't her fault.  She played her best, and that is all we can do.  We can't do better than our best.  "But mommy- If someone else was the goalie, we wouldn't have lost!  I think they all hate me!".

"Firstly baby.  They don't hate you.  Secondly, how do you know you would have won?  How do you know that the people scoring the goals weren't the ones that were good goal scorers?  How do you know?"

She paused.  "No.  It's my fault".

"Ok...is there anything we could have done differently?  No.  Could we do better than our best?  No.  At the end of the day, someone is going to lose and someone is going to win.  The other team's goalie let 2 goals in.  Is that her fault?  No".

But man, no matter what I said, it didn't seem to work.  And then I said, "Honey, every child cannot be the best at every role.  Look at professional soccer.  The best goal scorer is probably not the best in net.  And the goalie probably can't score a goal.  You are the best defense person on that team.  Be proud of what you do well and enjoy it when you get a chance to try out other roles, but don't be sad just because you can't be the best at all of them.  Even professionals can't do that.  Just have fun when you are on the field, and allow yourself to enjoy which part of the game you like the most, what part you do the best in, and what part you don't enjoy."

Bingo.  A smile. "I love you Mommy.  You are the best."

Mommy-1.  Soccer meltdown- 0.  :)