Thursday, May 29, 2008

Another 2 Days with Mr. NYC

I spent another 2 days with him this week. He came down to see me and I took a couple of days off. The kids got to see him yesterday evening and they were thrilled. A bit calmer than last time thank God. (Last time, 2 weeks ago, my daughter went running up to him, jumped in his lap and asked him "Can you please be my stepfather?"). Talk about embarrassing moments. I was flustered, he was flustered, but thankfully he was a quick thinker. "You would be an awesome stepdaughter for anyone". Good answer. Nice and safe. Phew.

Anyhow, we spent most of our time catching up, so it was nice. I never get to take a break so that was nice too.

Today, I got a call from the CAS. Apparently, they want to move my ex to unsupervised visits. I was ticked. I mean, it was just a week ago that the worker told me they would monitor him in a semi-supervised environment for another month. Then she calls me today and tells me her supervisor wants her to move to 2 hours unsupervised community visits, meaning he can take them out to a public place. I am terrified.

I argued with her, told her that she needed to protect my children better. Her response was that he would eventually get to see them unsupervised again, so we need to test the waters now. Supervised visits is only ever a temporary solution, to protect the children during an interim period (like waiting for a court date). The supervised access has been going well and the reports are all positive. (Well, DUH. That's the point. That's why he is supervised!) Anyhow, she felt it was time to move him to unsupervised for 2 hours. I argued and I lost. I was pissed. Her answer to me is that if he is really a threat and he fails at this, they will move him back to supervised access. I am still doubtful.

I spoke to Mr. NYC when I got off the phone (I'm glad he was here in person), and naturally, me being myself, I was all angry and hyper. Naturally, he being himself, he was calm, patient, and he calmed me down. He reminded me that this is the children's biological father, and by law, he would have a right to his children, and I can't stop that. The real question is how much access will he have, and what type of access will it be? That is what I will find out in court. He reminded me that I need to let this go down it's path and understand that the CAS can't protect them forever. This is my job, and I go to court in July. And 2 hrs in a public place is not the end of the world. He had that before. He never hurt them in public, so they are still hopefully going to be safe.

Maybe Mr. NYC is right. And if he is wrong, I will be here to protect my children. My ex is not capable of change, so it is just a matter of time before he shows the world (again) what he really is. This time, maybe the courts will listen.

This is so bloody stressful.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

What Kind of Chicken is This?

GOD. My daughter's drama continues. I honestly think I'M going to cave and just let her be a freaking vegetarian. It's what she wants.

I made chicken satay for dinner tonight. I thought I could get away with the bone free chicken (no I did not think about what happened last time). Anyhow, I figured with a stick instead of a bone she might think it's fun. WRONG.

She ate the grilled veggies and then I brought out the chicken. She looked down at the plate and politely asked me to take off the sticks. "But why honey? I thought you liked to eat off the sticks".

"So I can poke it and make sure there is no more chicken blood. That's what we are eating right? Chicken Blood".

I didn't respond. Then I told her she had no choice. Please just be grateful for what you have and eat your dinner.

She took a bite. Then she asked "So mommy- what kind of chicken is this anyways?"

"Pardon?"

"You know, is it a rooster, or a mommy chicken that laid eggs?"

My jaw dropped.

I feel sick now. Gross.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Long Weekend, Last Minute Plans

We did a lot of last minute things this weekend. It was fun, and I think the kids enjoyed it. We made a last minute plan on Saturday night to stay over at a girlfriend's house. She is also a single mom of two children. I think the children feel more comfortable there, because she is a single mom. I guess it makes them feel a bit more normal to know that there are other children in their group of friends going through the same thing. They had a good time, so that makes me happy. My girlfriend and I pajama partied until 4:30 am, but we paid for it when the kids woke up at 7:30 ish. I was exhausted. Then on Sunday night, we went to Richard's birthday party. I woke up brutally exhausted today.

I was supposed to take the kids to Ontario Place today, but it was only 8 degrees, a bit too cold for my liking. We decided to hang out at home. I think it's for the best, because my daughter has her first soccer game tonight, so she will be ready for that. And, it gave me a chance to pack lunches and do dinner prep-work for the upcoming week.

I feel a bit more prepared now.

Now all I have to do is catch up on some office work, and take my baby to soccer. All in all, I think the weekend went well.

I did however, have one de-railing moment. I just found out my ex is working for the same company as me. Since around Feb. I can't believe it. A million places to work and the deadbeat comes here. I just don't get it.

For now, I'm just going to ignore it. This is my turf. It has been for 16 years. It's not like he can harm me here, I know how to take care of myself. I just don't want him TRYING to harass me.

Then again, if he has been here for a few months and I haven't seen/heard from him, I guess I should be OK...

Friday, May 16, 2008

A Future Vegetarian

Lately, my daughter has been totally turned off from meat. She actually has been refusing to eat meat, preferring vegetarian dishes. The problem is, most vegetarian dishes contain empty carbs such as rice, pasta and bread. When she asks to eat "just plain white rice" or "just pasta with sauce" I worry about her health. I'm trying to get protein into her as much as possible. I feed her Pediasure shakes to get the vitamins in.

All of this is stemming from her love of animals. She just cannot bear the thought that she is eating something that was once alive.

Yesterday we went out for dinner. I got my daughter an order of chicken nuggets and fries. Chicken nuggets because they don't have a bone, so she won't be reminded of what she is eating. Halfway through the meal, she stopped eating, and exclaimed with a look of horror:

"OH MY GOD MOMMY! Is a chicken nugget made of CHICKEN?!"

I tried to ignore the question, and my son answered "What else did you think it was?"

"OH MY GOD MOMMY! What do they do? They like catch a chicken, take off his feathers, fry him up and just eat him?! THAT IS SO SICK!"

And then she stopped eating. And to be honest, what she said made me feel a little disgusted too.

Sigh. You can never fool a child.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

A Visit from Mr. NYC

I spent a nice 2 days with Mr. NYC. He came to town, we hung out, and we took care of some legal matters with respect to the assessment. I'm tired now, as it has been a hectic and emotionally draining two days. I am so glad he was here with me.

I learned yet another thing about Mr. NYC. I always knew he was a patient man. However, I don't think even I knew just how patient he really is. And it took a mishap for me to find out. When we were on the way to the airport, I made us late. I wanted to go for dinner with the children. He kept saying that he would run late, miss his flight, but I insisted we had enough time. For some reason, I kept thinking his flight left at 8:45, but it left at 8:15. Turns out that he was right- on two counts. We were running late, and he did miss his flight. And it was all my fault. I apologized profusely, but in the end, it was a massive inconvenience for him. He had to catch an alternate flight to Newark instead of Laguardia, and then take a train to Manhattan, and then a cab to his car at Laguardia. The main point of this is not about my stupidity, but the fact that he was so awesome about it. Not once did he get mad, not once did he blame me. All he said is that it is not my fault, I didn't mean for this to happen and that blame and guilt are just not useful emotions, so we won't allow ourselves to feel either. Be happy he said. We are healthy, well, and we got to see each other. Just be happy.

Honestly, it is things like this that make me amazed at how awesome a person he is, and make me realize how lucky I am to be around him. In my past life, my ex would have lost it on me. I would have been called a host of names, none of which I care to write, and he would have yelled at my and shown me his temper for days if not weeks. It is absolutely amazing how different these two men are from one another. And it is shocking to me that I spent 15 years thinking all men would behave in a similar manner when something frustrating comes about. Thank God I am free.

No matter where life takes me, and where ever this relationship goes, I am truly glad to have met Mr. NYC, to have learned from him, and to have had him in my life. Every experience in my life, both good and bad have contributed to who I am. If nothing else, Mr. NYC is teaching me patience, hope, and the ability to love.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day 2008

Today actually turned out to be pretty much a regular Sunday. I woke up to something cute. My son and daughter ran in to wish me a happy mother's day. When I came downstairs they said they had made me breakfast. On the table was sitting a bowl of my high protein cereal, with the milk already in it. To be honest, judging by the sogginess, I think they woke up and "made" my breakfast first thing, probably about an hour before they woke me up. It looked disgusting, it tasted disgusting, but I didn't have the heart to tell them. I just smiled and ate it and thanked them profusely for the thoughtful gesture.

It was, after all, such a touching gesture. I mean, firstly, they must have gone downstairs early to surprise me. Then, they must have waited as long as they could so they wouldn't wake me and I could get extra sleep. Then, when they couldn't contain themselves anymore, they came to wake me up. Sweet, isn't it? They are such little angels.

My daughter made me a pink bracelet at school. It actually turned out very nice, and I wore it all day. She was thrilled. After breakfast, I took the kids to see their dad, and I went to the gym. Then we went to the mall, got some sugar free chocolates, some roses and some stuff from the body shop and went to visit my mom. All in all, it was OK. I was tempted to buy myself some Mother's Day flowers, but decided not to. Next time maybe :)

Friday, May 09, 2008

School Volunteer

In February, my son came home from a school trip and asked me if I could volunteer for the next school trip. He was so excited and he said "Mommy- other parents come, and I want you there. I have the BEST mom in the world and I want all my friends to meet you".

I know the days of thinking his mom is cool are almost over, so I didn't want to miss this one window of opportunity where my son actually wants to show me off to his friends. I asked the office if I could volunteer for the next school trip. They told me to get a criminal record check done and bring it in. I was actually impressed to learn that this was a requirement. It means that the freaks of the world cannot be around my child in the day. Not bad at all. So I went to the police station back in February and requested the check. It was completed just last week.

My son has another school trip coming up on May 23rd. So if the school board can vet the criminal record check before then, I will get to go along with him to Black Creek Pioneer Village. He is so excited he can barely contain himself.

This morning, I dropped into the school to give them a copy of the check before I send it off to the school board. The secretary smiled and asked if I really wanted to go on the trip. "I mean, you will take a vacation day from work to babysit 25 kids, and you are a single mom with no time for yourself. Are you SURE you want to do that?"

I explained to her that while she is right that I never get a break for myself, I just cannot give up the opportunity to take my little boy on one class trip in his lifetime. Just this once. Who knows- when he reaches high school, he might be the one begging me to park my car 4 blocks away so he doesn't get embarrassed by his mom in front of his friends. I truly hope that day never comes, but it is always a very real possibility.

I guess one of the downfalls of being a single mom is the guilt. You never feel like you have done enough. You always wish you had more time. You feel bad that you can't bake for the bake sales (that you BUY the cakes like I do), or you feel bad that you cannot pick them up from school every day (that's why I love work from home Fridays!), or that you have to spend time disciplining and doing homework while balancing laundry, housework, packing lunches etc.

Single moms are always wishing we could have the capacity of two people, because we have to spread ourselves thin being both a mother and a father. As a result, we sometimes have to miss out on the little things like school trips, even when we wish we didn't have to. My son has been in Montessori since he was 18 months old. And I have never been on a school trip.

So I'm really hoping I can go to this one. Despite the "work" involved, I will happily take my son on the trip. Let's just hope the school board clears the check in time.

I love being a mom to my children. They make my life complete. Busy, yes. Hectic, yes. Sometimes even insane. But I love being their mom. And I truly do have awesome kids.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Deadbeat Dad

All of this recent financial mess has got me thinking about the drama that is my life. My ex is such a total deadbeat dad, he is as bad as they come. Not only is he not paying his share of the children's therapy, the children's extra curricular activities, and the assessment, but he has reduced his childcare payments unilaterally without any notice. He is the ultimate deadbeat dad.

Really- it upsets me. The guy makes tons of money, but he is infinitely selfish. The one sign that there is a God- the more he attempts to screw me over, the worse his finances become. Take a look at things- when he was paying his full payments with no arguments, he was also doing well. When he started to screw me over, his debt increased. And now, even though he makes more than I do, he is financially worse off. I attribute that to him not paying his dues and owning up to his financial responsibilities. What goes around comes around, and rightly so.

On other fronts, Fatima (my ex's second ex wife) had her meeting with the assessor. I'm trusting that went well yesterday. I mean, at the end of the day, her story is the mirror image of mine. If that is not creepy I'm not sure what else is.

And another thing. I was talking to the children's therapist on Saturday when we were last there, and she has advised me that she doesn't think that my ex is bipolar. She is almost positive he is a sociopath. That is even worse. More for me to worry about. (For those of you who don't know, a sociopath is basically a psychotic person without a conscience. Sounds accurate, but at the same time, it is very scary).

The silver lining- thank God I'm rid of him. As hard as things are now, they would have been worse had I stayed with him. There is always the positive to every story. Mine is that I am almost free.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Mr. NYC to the Rescue

Thank God for him. I would have been lost without him.

There are some moments in life where you just know that someone would go the extra mile for you. This is one of those moments.

I spent days stressing madly about what to do, despite Mr. NYC's constant reassurances that I should not worry, that it will be OK. And on Sunday, within hours of his arrival to NYC from his business trip overseas, I heard the words that I will never forget.

"I will not lose you. And especially not for money, and not for $12,000. We will find a way".

I am truly grateful to have found someone decent the second time through. I am touched by his care and at the same time, moved and honored that he loves me this much. If nothing else, I can move on knowing that not all guys are bad to women, that there are some that are loving and caring, and that I am blessed to have found one of those. No matter how long he will be in my life, I am grateful to have known him. And if this remains long term, I am even more grateful. But if things don't go our way, I can honestly say that my life is better having met Mr. NYC, that I truly did learn alot from this relationship.

It's been nice knowing that for once in my life, I was loved by someone.

And no, this is not about money. It's about the gesture, the protectiveness, the genuine care. The thought that when the chips fell, I was a priority, and he would put himself out for me. Imagine that...