Thursday, May 18, 2006

Children who Hate their Mothers

My children and I were chatting at the dinner table at my parent's home tonight. My son was telling me about his day at school, his recess break, the games he played with his friends, what he learned, etc. Then he told me about the conversation he had with his school mates.

He said some of the boys were talking about how difficult their mothers are, and how much they HATE their mothers. This was shocking to me. I mean these are 6 yr old boys. SIX!! How can a six year old boy be capable of hating anyone, let alone his mother? Every bone in my body wanted to stop my son and tell him that those children have bad behavior, that it's wrong to disrespect your parents and talk about them in that fashion. But I thought to myself....I am the only stable parent these children have. The least I can do is listen to them, hear them out, and be their friend. So I listened. I am so glad that I did.

My son proceeded to ask me "Mommy- why do those kids hate their mothers? Don't all moms care about their children the way you do about us? I could never hate are the best person in the world, and you love us more than anyone else ever could." This of course, totally melted my heart. What a little prince. I explained that while yes, all mothers care dearly for their children, we are all human and make mistakes at times, and sometimes mothers can say or do inappropriate things. But that doesn't mean that anyone should talk badly about them.

My son then said "Mommy- if you ever say or do anything bad, I will forgive you. I will never talk badly about you. You are the best person in the world." Now, I know he's not going to think that about me forever, but wow...On a day when all the children in his class were talking badly about their parents, my little one came home and confided in me about how much it bothered him to hear the conversation. What a child. What a gift. What a blessing. Maybe, just maybe, all my efforts are paying off in some way or another. Wow. What relief.

Here's the other kicker from my conversation with my son today. When we got home, my son and I were talking as I was dressing the children for bed. My son said "Mommy- I know that you and daddy aren't married anymore. I know that you are alone with us, and you know what, you're a great mommy. I hope you fall in love some day and get married." I froze. Like, literally froze. "What? Why are you saying this honey? Don't you like it with just the three of us?" "Yes mommy, but I want you to fall in love with someone, even if its not my dad".

WOW. Talk about a six year old boy being well beyond his years. I can't describe how flattered I am that this little guy cares so much about me, that he is actually capable of thinking of my best interests. I can't believe that he would even make such a recommendation, when we know full well that every child in the world wants nothing more than to have both of their biological parents together.

I don't need to look for a prince. Mine is already here with me.


Anonymous said...

i understand your point and i believe that your son is very intelligent. you are very blessed to have him. yet, i believe that it is untrue to say that ALL children want their biological parents to be together.

shaz said...

You might be right...I'm not sure though. I've heard it from most child therapists that this is the "natural" desire for most children. This post was written a long time ago.

My ex husband is starting to tone down, and now I find the children do sometimes go back to saying they wish we were still together with their dad.

So I don't know which is true....but I guess it mostly depends on the scenario, case by case.

Anonymous said...

That's good. I'm happy that you and your son have that kind of relationship. Some of us were not that fortunate. But I know how that six year old feels, and although I KNOW it's hard to believe that some sons don't care for their mothers, but that is the reality of it. I am proof. God bless you and your son.

Anonymous said...

Your son is truly a blessing with a heart of gold. This is what all moms want their children to be. Unfortunately, some of us have sons that no matter how much their mom cares for them and provides for them they act as if mom is the enemy. Sad, but true. Could it be some form of mental issue? Possibly, but when you come from a loving mom and have a child of your own you never expect them to be negative towards you or even worse try to compete against you. May God bless him to remain as kind and loving as he is.

shaz said...

Thank you- I do feel blessed (so far!)- and I think I can safely say that I don't know where the road ahead will take us, but I am thankful for the memories we have so far.

My children have been through a lot, more than most children will see in their lifetime, but I am hoping that if nothing else, the hardships we have endured will give us a strong bond moving forward. Like I said, you never know what the future holds, but I do pray for the best. God Bless.

Esther Pagan said...

Please post your comments when your son is 14 on up, because that's when their feelings change. My daughter yells at her 16 and 17 year old son and daughter 24/7 cause they don't listen, or talk back, or don't do their chores. That's when the fun begins and why a 6 year old hates their mother in the first place is not natural. Something is definitely up - drugs or alcohol.